looks don't really matter

Sausage fest at the National Art Museum in Helsinki, FInland

Sausage fest at the National Art Museum in Helsinki, FInland


We both always hear the same stuff.

"Attraction is all about looks. Some guys are just lucky to be hot."

"I could never be good with girls, I'm not handsome enough."

You think about George Clooney and Ryan Gosling, and then you think about yourself and get depressed. I'm not going to pretend looks don't matter. They do. But here are two caveats:

1. The most important parts of looks are in your control: fashion, fitness and grooming

2. Women don't care about appearances as much as you think

Back in the basics I mentioned that for women, attraction is 80% the dude's behaviour and 20% his looks. It's hard to wrap your head around at first, because for a guy you're super-visual and get attracted mostly based on the woman's looks. Plus you've probably heard girls commenting on a guy's appearance (a celebrity for example). It's true, girls can admire looks too. But if she talks to that guy and his behaviour is unattractive, no amount of abs or jawline will save him.

I've been rejected countless times, and every single time I could point it towards something I said or did that caused it, not my appearance.  

The most practical way to think about your appearance and looks is this: do what's in your control to improve your appearance (fashion, grooming, fitness) and maintain some effort in upholding your appearance but after that point, just completely forget about it. It will do you no good moping over stuff you can't change. Be comfortable with your big ass nose or lack of height and girls will recognise it and will happily overlook these things if your personality and behaviour is on point.  

- Conor