about being nervous

 
With Finnish girl in Shellharbour, Australia

With Finnish girl in Shellharbour, Australia

 

Have you ever looked up at the stars and actually realised what you were seeing? Were you like “fuck they’re huge and far away.” Feel a little scared? Feel a little relieved to be so small? Probably somewhere in between.

We’re writing this one to give you some perspective if you’re feeling a little nervous or overwhelmed about it all.

In a handful of generations, no-one will remember your brief existence. You’ll probably be forgotten, like the 90 billion people who have already lived and died. This blog will probably have been chewed up and shit out by whatever replaces the internet. And you, the guy reading this, breathing in and out, a muscle contracting rhythmically in your chest, will end.

In a billion years, the sun will cook the surface of the earth. Four billion years after that, it will die. So that makes us, you, the sun, the earth, and all your amateur photography. Gone.

This is all pretty hectic not going to lie. But I’m not saying it to be depressing. I’m saying it because the universe is going to go dark one day and you’re going to die without doing what you’ve always wanted to do. This ain't no ‘motivational post’ screaming “NO EXCUSES” at you while Eminem plays over some footage of a guy boxing in an empty gym (we’re not big fans of those). It’s not really motivating that we’re all insignificant and dying. It’s simply just provides clarity.

Let’s put it this way.

Talking to girls, not talking to girls, it doesn’t matter to the universe, which is pretty busy in huge cosmic turnings while it burns itself out. But I know it matters to you. You’re a human, you’re a guy, and you want to skinny dip in a fountain with someone gorgeous, feel those human connections and feel more free and confident in your skin. There are things you care about even though everything’s going to end. We’ve established this. But you still feel kind of nervous, probably.

Next time you’re organising a date, or talking to a girl, or thinking about leaving the house even, tell yourself: I’m going to die. She’s going to die. It really doesn’t matter.

You still might feel nervous. It’s all good man, it’s some dumb feeling that your brain tells you is in your stomach, that hasn’t got the death memo. It thinks it can stay alive forever if it just freaks out about every tiny thing, like sitting exams or going on dates.

I know, I know. “But guys, it does matter, I’m freaking out about it.”

Listen BRO, somewhere along the line you’ve learned, probably subconsciously, that girls are scary. It’s probably tied to your self-esteem and the idea that if you’re rejected, everyone’s going to know about it, and laugh and you, and care a lot, and it’s going to be evident that you’re just a sack of shit like you’ve suspected all along. And girls are these wonderful, untouchable transcendent beings that never get nervous on dates or doubt themselves or fart. And they’re judging you.

  1. No-one cares very much about you or your dating life. They’re too busy worrying about themselves. We’ve seen firsthand time and time again how insecure really confident-seeming people often are. Trust us on this. So get rid of that “everyone’s watching me over my shoulder” thing. They’re not. And don’t give a shit about you. In a good way.

      2. Girls are just humans. If you have a sister you probably know it’s true about her, but surprise, every other girl        is like that too. They go to the toilet and get nervous and feel bad about themselves sometimes. And every girl        you’ve ever met is going to die. You can never fuck up in a way that won’t be erased in the end by that fact.            Guarantee you’ll never have to wait that long.

Feelings aren’t logical. Instead of wishing you weren’t nervous, just give that feeling a dumb name like Clarence and let it sit there being an idiot. Meanwhile, stars are burning out, you’ve spotted some cute girl at uni, and 99% of the world is running around forgetting that they’re going to die. If you just do something, you allow that feeling to melt away on its own. And that girl? She wants to meet you.

So go for the things you care about, and don’t stress about outcomes or about fear. It’s just two monkeys on a ball of rock having a coffee. As lives go, that’s not too bad.

- Conor