coffee dates are mint

With German girl at a cafe in North Bondi

With German girl at a cafe in North Bondi


Quite often during day to day life doings, often at work, or at uni, I’ll be chatting with another dude, and he’ll tell me about a story of how he managed to pull the 'hottest girl man' from a club or bar etc, and will start giving me tips and telling me all his usual tactics. I usually respond with something like “Yeah that’s cool, I prefer coffee dates to taking a girl for drinks,” which is nearly always received with a “That’s so gay dude, a coffee date would never work on a hot girl,” or “Nah man take her for a drink, works way better, trust me,”. Tbh I’m never really surprised when this happens as I’m a fairly quiet dude so I imagine I give the average bloke the impression that I’m pretty hopeless. 

I'm like the number one coffee date fan, I've tried most things you can think of and have found that coffee dates just seem better in every way. I should clarify though that when I say coffee date I pretty much just mean taking a girl out in the day and getting something small to eat or drink. Coffee, ice cream, chips, whatever, doesn't matter. Coffee dates shit on thing a girl out for drinks, or for dinner, or to the amusement park or whatever other date ideas you may have and here’s why I think these thangs:

  • It's arguably ballsy than taking a girl for drinks or doing some activity (movies, amusement park etc.)
  • It’s cheap as, like $3.50 cappuccino cheap
  • It’s really different from what most guys do
  • It’s so innocent and has none of the implications that taking a girl out for drinks does, girls are much more willing to meet up for a coffee date than for a: "come to a bar for drinks near my place ;-)"

The best thing, and also the worst for some guy is that when taking a girl out for coffee, the sun's out, it’s relatively quiet, and you’re sober. Totally present and aware of everything. Pretty much you have 100% attention on you the whole time, with no distractions, loud music, other people, or alcohol to numb the nerves. It’s the most cliche thing but as nearly all cliches hold some truth this one does too, pretty much the most attractive thing on a dude is confidence, and what shows confidence more: taking a girl out to a noisy place where you can barely hear each other talk, all while numbing your brains with alcohol, or taking a girl on a coffee date where you are in the spotlight 100% of the time with nowhere to hide, and no distractions to save you from any awkward moments or breaks in conversation. Unless you’re retarded it’s clearly the later. And that is the great paradox of confidence, to show confidence you must show vulnerability. Is the confident man curled up in a ball in a safe position in the corner? Or is he spread out arms wide, laid back in an armchair? So, be the dude all out on show with nothing to hide.

It’s cheap, some of you might look at this as being stingy (which I am anyways) but if I am meeting a girl for the first time, I don’t know her. Sure I know some stuff about her, know where she’s from, what she does, but still it barely qualifies as knowing her. I’m not assuming she’ll be a total bitch, or anything like that, but I’m also not going to assume she’s not either, in fact I’m going to assume next to nothing about her. I don’t really know her. So why would I go ahead and spend serious dough just to wine and dine a girl I don’t know. Besides I don’t think it’s even a thing girls complain about, I’ve never had a girl call me cheap or stingy. Although I have had dudes call me stingy for taking girls on coffee dates, well what do ya know. Girls have money and can afford the $3.50 that it costs for a coffee in Sydney. Beats paying entry fees at bars and clubs, plus paying ridiculous dollars on just a couple of drinks. Did I mention that I’m a broke uni student?

Not many guys take girl out for coffee dates. Immediately you stand out, you’re not just another one of those guys messaging for a drink *winky face*, it’s just like, hold the phone, could you say that again? A coffee date you say? How innocent and refreshing. 

Another thing guys don’t think of is being empathetic to how the girl must feel about it all. Put yourself in a girl's shoes for a bit, what’s scarier? Going out for drinks with a stranger at night and getting drunk, or going out for a coffee in broad daylight, sober. Probs the later hey. 

Saying all this though I'm not saying taking a girl for is bad or anything, of course it works, I'm merely saying coffee dates seem smarter, take less of your time and are cheap as. The only dates I ever go on, are coffee dates. 

- Dan