do something

 

Couple of pictures from the National Art Gallery in Helsinki, Finland

 

In order to get better at something, you have to do it. Sure learning what works, what's attractive etc etc will help a lot but I honestly think that the number one best thing to do to improve is to just do it. Just start dating. 

Think about it. A lot of guys never date, or they're stuck in that passive mode of "waiting for the right person." In the movies, someone always comes along and takes the pressure of actively dating out of the main character's hands. And in a surprising amount of films, the girl initiates things like planning dates, being the one to lean in for the kiss, asking the guy if he wants to see her apartment... We get conditioned into this really passive mindset of waiting for something to happen "organically". But that organic development is a myth. Sure there might be a natural chemistry, but escalation (asking for a date, expressing interest, kissing, inviting home, initiating sex, all the active progression stuff) ALWAYS requires someone doing it: and it's either you or the girl. So stop waiting for girls to ask you out. Stop waiting for a tinder match to somehow naturally "develop" into a date. Stop waiting for her to take off your pants. Just take action yourself and do something. 

The reason I think taking action was even more important for me than learning to be better with girls is that most of us are better than we think we are. When you're not dating and you're just sitting around waiting for something to happen, you can end up thinking that you're just undesirable or unattractive. But girls are just the same: they're scared to initiate (or they don't even consider it), and society tells them even MORE to just wait around for a guy to initiate. I thought I was totally uninteresting to girls, but when I finally just started *ACTUALLY ASKING SOME OUT* I found that there were plenty of girls who were interested. I thought every date I went on was a failure because we never even kissed, but when I actually started taking the initiative to lean in and kiss girls I found that lots of them wanted to kiss me back. I thought girls didn't want to sleep with me, but when I took them home and started things off I found the opposite was true. You're not the unappealing forgettable guy you think you are. The difference between you and the guy who has a lot of sex is that he's initiating things.

Of course things don't always work out, and there are plenty of reasons why a *particular* girl might not be interested in you. Learning social calibration will help you read signs of interest and learning confidence and other dating skills will help you a lot. But overall, I promise that if you decide to lead more and just be the initiator, you'll have more experience with girls than ever before. Taking initiative is attractive, AND it makes you feel good. Think about it this way: all those girls? They're waiting for you to ask.

- Conor