basics 2. differences in male and female attraction
One of the biggest things I think guys struggle getting their head around is that girls and guys are attracted to each other by very different things. It's very reason why dudes send dick pics thinking that a girl will get immediately turned on when she sees it.
Males are generally attracted to feminine traits where as females are generally attracted to masculine traits. When you relate it back to caveman times it all makes sense, men had the role of the provider, they had to protect the tribe, look after and feed the people, hunt the rhinoceros and wildebeests or whatever they hunted back then. The point is: back then a man's behaviour was what was most important for survival. So naturally that's what women look for in a dude, behavioural traits that he's a kick ass dude (aka an alpha male) and can protect the tribe. This doesn't mean being conventionally macho necessarily, it just means having traits that imply your survival capacity. Women's main role back in the day was to raise and care for the children, forage for food, primarily not behavioural or very physically stressful things. And such, men are much more focused on appearance than behaviour. As a woman's appearance is what shows her femininity and how well she could successfully raise a healthy child. Men look for a woman's youthfulness, good genes, childbearing capabilities etc. So what are the most attractive traits in a guy?
Note: these are merely definitions, and they do all crossover with each other to a certain extent. There'll be more specific posts on this shit later on.
Confidence: Self belief essentially, need I say more? I think mainstream dating advice has at least taught us the definition of confidence if nothing else. In caveman terms, it's basically an indication of your ability and value: confidence usually comes from actually being good at shit after all.
Congruence: Another common one, "Just be yourself." Yeah thanks! I think I'll just go over here and start being myself, why didn't I think of that before...? The thing is, the whole "Just be yourself," thing isn't even accurate. It should be, "Be the best version of yourself." And there's a big difference there. Ultimately we're all kind of annoying and fucked in some way, so showing all your sides probably isn't the best idea. Emphasize your strengths, minimise your weaknesses. Standard Sun Tzu Art of War type stuff. Being congruent means your desires, words and behaviour are all aligned.
Non-Neediness: Aka outcome independence or abundance mentality. Probably the most important one and the most unknown ones. It's really just an attitude you should have in life to do with balance and that. It's the mindset of thinking "That's a really cool thing, I want to have it, but if I can't, it's not the end of the world. I have other things and stuff to do which are just as good." This also means not being fazed by rejection. In the caveman context this tells everyone that you have options so you must have value. Beyond that, it's just a freer way to live your life.
Social Skills: Pretty straightforward really: being a confident, congruent, non-needy man isn't going to get you very far if you have no social skills to express it, or to understand and be able to read how other people feel. Good social skills and being able to communicate without seeming like a werido is key. 'Calibration' is basically the same thing, being able to have a balanced interaction without going overboard one way or the other.
Now you may think as I guy (and we've definitely thought this previously before too), why do I have to be all these things just for a girl to find me attractive? Girls get it so easy, they can get laid or find a relationship whenever they want right! Well kinda, not really. You're overestimating how easy girls find dating. For one, your behaviour is something you can improve and work on. Looks on the other hand, after a certain point are not. So be happy that you can change and improve the main thing that makes you attractive.
Girls generally seem to go for these 20% of dudes, which is why of the dudes we know, some get laid a lot, and some get laid very rarely. And there's a big problem for girls, they're all trying to get the same dudes who have plenty of options, so are much less likely to commit. That's probably why you hear so many girls complain about guys "not texting back" or something along those lines. It's because they're mostly going for dudes who have other girls. Most guys want to know how to get laid, most girls want to know how to get that one dude to text back. Like I said before, both sexes seem to have their pros and cons, neither are better or worse, easier or harder. We're all just animals dealing with our own desires.
To summarise: Girls and guys are attracted by quite different things, so remember this! Try not to overestimate how much your looks matter, and conversely, don't underestimate how much your attitude, behaviour and that matter. Guys are visual creatures, girls most definitely are not.
*I don't know if this seems entirely purposeful knowing all this, but the main point of me writing this, apart from general understanding, is to try and give some perspective. A big thing I feel a lot of guys struggle with is not being frustrated by the other sex, whether from lack of attention, lack of sex or whatever other reason. Don't be frustrated, look at the bigger picture, learn from your mistakes and keep a positive attitude towards girls! :D