basic 3. it's a skill like any other

There's this weird idea that everyone seems to have about dating, sex life and social skills in general. It's the idea that some people are just naturally "charismatic" or "magnetic" or "good with women" etc etc, and some people aren't. The reason this is so dumb is because we all know you can get better at most things in life with practise. People rarely stop to think that social skills might also fit into that category.

You might feel like you're "bad with girls" or "socially awkward" or something, but believe us when we say you can get good. In fact, you can get better than nearly every guy just by knowing the right things and going out and meeting new girls. So the first thing to remember is that you aren't stuck being one kind of guy who isn't great with women. It's a skill. The more you exercise that muscle, the more you're going to improve.

So what's the best way to approach all this shit? The first thing is, don't take any of it too seriously. There's a lot of guys out there who talk about dating and 'game' like it's hard, unpleasant work, this gritty, grimy, blood-sweat-and-tears hustle for success. But this is possibly the most un-motivating and terrible mindset you could have, especially if you're already a little nervous about meeting girls. You're going to go out of your comfort zone and enjoy everything a lot more if you take a much lighter approach. It's all good fun and nothing's too serious. Girls aren't there to be fought to the death guys, they are there to have fun with you and get to know you. The more playfully you see the whole process, the more you'll find yourself enjoying it, and the more you'll come across as actually confident and comfortable in your own skin.

Similarly, don't invest too much in any one outcome. Getting better at this stuff is a process, and you're probably going to meet a fair few girls on the way. No single date is the be-all end-all. As with getting better with anything in life, focus on on the big picture rather than the individual successes and failures. Be comfortable with seeing things over the long haul and you'll get into a state of flow much easier. 

It can be easy as a pleb to get a little bitter and negative about girls. But like we mentioned in the last post, they're just like you. We're all flawed and we all have our own dating struggles. Most people are more insecure, nervous or angsty than they outwardly display. The thing is, girls are great. The more positive you are about women, the better they're going to respond.

Finally, although this is all a skill, don't let it be the only source of focus or development in your life. It's hard to be confident around girls when your life's a mess, you're unemployed and have no passions in life. You don't need to overload yourself with self-development, but try to get some balance happening. Girls like guys who have other interests and focuses in their life besides them, ie guys who have their shit together. How would it feel to be someone's sole achievement and obsession? Mmm perhaps a little creepy. More importantly, you'll feel better the more well-rounded your life is. Fitness, friends, work, university, hobbies, travel, there's a lot of shit you can improve in your life. Dating is just another area, however one that not many guys realise you can improve and become fucking excellent at.